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Just My Thoughts

For more blogs, visit my Coach Kim blog page ---->> https://coachkim4life.wixsite.com/coach-kim/blog

Self Preservation vs Self Sabotage

January 15, 2018

So this guy checks off about 95% of my "Husband Material Must-Haves" list. Choosing not to hold it against him that he's not a Shemar Moore clone, a billionaire or a member of New Edition, I accept him as the wonderful man that he is.

It wasn't always this easy though. I have learned that touching a dream is scary. You spend your life dreaming, imagining, hoping, praying, wishing and then when you finally get it, do you even recognize it? Are you truly prepared to receive it?

It was many years ago when God impressioned my purpose upon me with the simple words, "Let them know that they are loved." Thus began my journey of releasing an abundant energy ball of love throughout the universe.

But puhleeze, don't follow my lead!

Don't be so busy releasing love energy that you block yourself from RECEIVING love.

Let me simplify a bit ... When you meet that perfect guy, are you subconsciously sabotaging the relationship?

(I can practically hear you saying, "Oh no, Coach! Why would I do that??!?!?!) Sometimes out of fear, we tend to push people away with our actions when we feel that they are getting to close.

Pushing them away gives us the opportunity to avoid being vulnerable. Let's face it, who wants to lose emotional control and hand deliver the most emotional parts of themselves to this person that may or may not stomp all over their heart?

I get it. I've been there. Scratch that .. I'm STILL there! It's a daily struggle to not put on my old trusty running shoes and leave that joker in the dust. However, part of growing is learning to be vulnerable (with the right person), learning to receive the love you deserve and learning to allow whatever happens to just happen. You can't control everything.

A dear friend, Mr. Kermit Alexander King ( I call him Sir King) once told me, "... It is impossible for real love to not achieve what it was set out to do; Because real love comes from God and does NOT ever go out void. "

Pretty deep, huh? So let's grab our flip-flops and put away the running shoes. Let's stop looking for things to go wrong and let's stop sabotaging ourselves in the name of protecting ourselves. We must do our part to give as well RECEIVE love and stop crossing that thin line between self-sabotage and self-preservation. <3

A Peek Into My Thoughts

February 2, 2018

I took a moment to scroll through some old journal entries and I found my thoughts to be quite entertaining. So why not share!? :-D

Random entries from my 2010 - 2013 journaling. I call them "Kim'isms". Enjoy!


POWER.

Power is indeed a drug. A hallucinogen producing illusions of pride, superiority & loss of respect for consequences. It's 2nd hand smoke destroys lives, friendships, families and the abuser. Only the pure of heart and the humble can master it's use.

#Saul #David


LIFE LESSON:

No matter how much you plan or weigh the risks & consequences. If God says "no". Then that's the final answer. Why? Because He said so.

BURDEN OF HAPPINESS.

Happiness is a gift, a state of mind & a journey of self acceptance. If someone else makes you happy, separate from them immediately. Find your self worth & inner peace...then allow them to enhance the joy you already have within. It's only fair. Being responsible for someone else's happiness is a huge burden to bear.


SOUL MATES:

God gives us life and freedom of choice. I truly believe that he puts our soul mates in our paths and 95% of us mere mortals make the choice to not be w/the one He chose for us .... Much love to the 5% that get it right!!


LIFE LESSON:

Happiness is not one thing or person ... it's realizing that nothing or no one has control over your life except you.


♥DATING.

The reason you keep kissing frogs in prince clothing is b/c you sh/be waiting on your king vs settling for a prince in the 1st place.


PURGING.

When you ask God to remove those from your life who mean you no good or who are not within His will, be prepared for the heartache. It is always the ones you least expect. But it is better to hold God's hand through the heartbreak than to be outside of His will living in deception. ♥


QUOTE FROM A QUEEN:

"Who you decide to share your heart and space with is a DIRECT reflection of what you think of yourself. Those unwilling to change and grow because of pride will fail. That's a principle, not an opinion......LOVE yourSELF enough to know when to let go." - LaMonica Kitchings


NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.

Everything & everyone happens to you for a reason. If someone who was once an important part of your daily life is no longer in your top 10, then their purpose has been served. If you can't figure out what that purpose was for your life ... Then you have served your purpose in theirs. Sometimes...it's not all about you.

Love,

Coach Kim

Just My Thoughts .... 

An ongoing series of (not so) informational entries

Open Relationship or nah?

April 30, 2017

Spring is in the air!

Along with spring comes the hunt for summer love! Well, for some of us anyways. As you gear up to hit the dating scene, take a moment to reflect on what type of relationship you are looking for. For some the end desired result is marriage while others just want a companion to share adventures and grow old with. Whichever end of the spectrum that you are on let’s take a moment to visit the road less traveled. Open relationships. (DUNN-DUNN-DUNN : imaginary dramatic music plays in background)

***disclaimer*** if you are currently looking to start an open marriage, this blog will not hold any answers. This is simply my observation based on my experience, beliefs and contact with friends that enjoy openness.

Christianity and open relationships

“But, Coach Kim …aren’t you a Christian? How can you condone open relationships??”

When I speak on the topic of openness, I am often greeted with this question. My first response is, “it is not my place to judge but to guide from a place of love.” Let me continue by saying, there are several versions of open relationships. You can be in an open dating relationship, an open dating w/casual sex relationship or in an open marriage. As one that has committed herself to trying to live within God’s instruction, I cannot cosign on the casual sex or the open marriage, HOWEVER, I am not going to pass judgement on my brothers and sisters that participate in this practice. Now that we have that out of the way, hear are my thoughts so let's chat about it!

"An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of non-monogamous relationship.[1] This means that they agree that other people relating in a flirting manner, sexual or physical, or intimate way with their partner is permitted, or often times tolerated. " ( courtesy of Wikipedia)

I asked ten random people if they would ever consider having an open relationship, with the exception of two honest souls, they all said “No!”. Not just “No!” but a “No!” accompanied by a vigorous shaking of head, scrunching up of the face and a loud “unh-unh, no way and hell naw!”. Ironically, out of the ones asked the 8 that said they would not consider an open relationship were single. Correction, ARE single. The two that admittedly said they would entertain the thought of an open relationship are married. Now as stated earlier, I cannot cosign on the sex before marriage or the sex outside of marriage so we will not focus on the open marriage aspect but instead let's dive into open dating.

Biblically speaking, open marriages are scattered throughout the bible. Some may call it polygamy, I call it open. This started me to wondering why the subject of open relationships is so taboo. Needless to say, now my wheels are turning….what exactly makes a relationship “open” and why do single & dating people shy away from them?

Food for thought: Cheating liars vs honest polygamist

Now that my curiosity was piqued, I began chatting with my girls as well as a few married couples that are actively engaged in open marriages. While speaking with the single women, they all revealed that they had either been cheated on or have done the cheating in previous relationships. When I said to them that basically they just confessed to being in an open relationship except it was without their knowledge and isn’t that worse than being in an open relationship with your eyes wide open?

They all seemed stunned. No one seems to think of it that way. Neither did I until my bff was telling me about her new dude and she told him that if he ever wants to start seeing other people then it would be cool. Just give her a head’s up so that she can start seeing others as well. “If the relationship is going to be open ..then let it be alllll the way open” is the way that she put it.

Seriously, let’s think about this a moment…. Wouldn’t it be better to begin a relationship knowing that you entered into it based on full disclosure? Or as Michael Baisden would say … wouldn’t you rather have a choice based on truth?

Now that you mention it, Coach Kim … what about the single ladies? What does this have to do with us?

First, let’s be clear about singledom, I believe that until you are legally married, you are single. Engagement doesn’t count, having a boyfriend doesn’t count. Because in the eyes of the law, if that fiance’ or boyfriend gets hit by a car and rushed to the hospital, you have absolutely NO legal rights in how your "boo" will be cared for. You will not have any rights to any medical information without that person’s permission no matter how in love you are. Therefore, until you walk down the aisle and say "I do" in front of God and whomever has the power vested in thee...you, my dear are single. Yep, check that single box.

Now as a single woman, I do believe that it is okay to date around. In other words, have an open dating relationship.

Why? Because I do not feel that you should lose a year (or two) dating one man while turning a blind eye to all other possibilities only to learn that he is not your Godsent. How many of us have centered ourselves around the current prince charming (I purposely did not capitalize the “p” or the “c”) only to later learn that we have wasted precious time on someone not worthy? After all, we don’t ask our friends to be monogamous and not have any other companions so why should we ask that of a person of interest?

This is where I usually get the most flack in my conferences. So, let me back track and bring notice to the point that I said “date” around. I did not say “sex” around.

The only requirement in open dating is to be honest. If down the line it becomes a mutual decision to be exclusive then be sure the conversation is clear and you both agree that from this point forward you will date only each other… that is a blog for another day and time.

Once you step into the communion of marriage, it is my personal belief that all doors are closed to anyone outside of the marriage for both parties. That whole 7th commandment thing kind of keeps me in line. However, until then, date! A LOT!! No games, no lies… just enjoy your time being single and know that it is OKAY to date multiple men. I once had a breakfast date, a lunch date and a dinner date in the same day. It was a blast! No hanky panky, no expectations of sex, just hanging out and enjoying meeting the new people that God allows into my presence. When any of them asked if I was seeing other people, I would always reply, “Yes. Aren’t you?” 😊

For more information on navigating the dating world such as deciding when to become exclusive, how to be celibate in this day and age or any other question that pops into your mind, email your inquiry to [email protected] You may see your question featured in the upcoming segment, ‘ASK COACH KIM”. Until then,

Live love and live VIBRANTLY!

-Coach Kim

Who Suffers When You Overextend?

October 26, 2017

Sometimes I find that I bite off more than I can chew. The world has so many opportunities and so little time to enjoy them all. Yet that doesn't stop me from trying!

Invite for my child to attend 12 birthday parties, 5 play dates and a wild night of YuGiOh at the library? Sure! No problem!

Invite for speaking engagement clear across the country next week? Sure! No problem!

Invite to mentor abused women in an hour? Sure! No problem!

Invite for girls night in to coach inner circle on latest dating issues? Sure! No problem!

Offer to take on a new client for 12 weeks starting tomorrow? Sure! No problem!

Body calling me to shut everything down at 9p, relax and get some rest? Sorry, no time for that.

Mani / Pedi with facial and massage to wind down? Sorry, no time for that.

Date night with the 'boo' to put some quality time into my own relationship? Sorry, no time for that.

Moment of quiet to meditate and be alone with God? Sorry, God knows my heart. No time for that.

********** Now THAT is a problem! ***********

How can you live vibrantly if you live for everyone except yourself? Stop the madness!! Appreciate yourself first. Stop taking on so many tasks that you don't have time to remember the most important human in your life. YOU!

As Kenny Rogers sang, "...know when hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. Know when to walk away and know when to run."

Happy self-loving,

Coach Kim

#VibrantLife

Shattered Dreams or Windows of Opportunity

November 1, 2017

There is an old saying that goes, "If you build it, they will come." It is usually the motivation behind many entrepreneurs as they bring their business dreams into the world of reality. All businesses start with the extremely high hope that the next Fortune 500 company has just been unveiled to the world.

You put your blood, sweat and tears...not to mention your time and hard earned money... into making all of your visions come to fruition. You know in your heart of hearts that anyone who sees it, feels or hears about it will immediately love it as much as you and the money will come pouring in.

What happens when you build it and no one shows up?

I hate being the bearer of bad news, but not all of your dreams will be a raging success. At least not YOUR definition of success.

Yes, dreams do shatter.

There comes a time when you must slowly awake to the reality that you have to throw in the towel on something you hoped would take you and your 3rd generation grandchildren into the Oprah tax bracket.

Ok, ok... Your dream may not be a business venture. Maybe it was a failed relationship or a failing marriage. Maybe your child who always maintained a 4.0 GPA tells you that he wants to be a pro bono circus clown rather than a college professor. Whatever the scenario may be for you the answer to dealing with perceived failure is always the same.

Chin up!

It has happened to the best of us, if not all of us at one point or another.

I'm here to remind you that life experience is INVALUABLE and everytime you take a leap of FAITH to manifest a dream you learn something. That, my dear, is what living a vibrant life is all about. THAT is success!

I think it should say, "Sometimes you have to FAIL before you can fly."

I don't know the original author of that saying, nevertheless it is golden. Things may not always work out the way that you intended but never doubt that things are exactly as they should be.

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans." Another oldie but goodie!

Through every experience of your life,

Learn from it.

Grow from it.

Keep your eyes peeled on the lessons that you were meant to take from it.

Appreciate all of the connections made along the way.

Most importantly never give up on your dreams! Finally, never be afraid to pull up your bootstraps and try again.

Shattered dreams are merely shards of reflection that can lead to greater windows of opportunity. Never stop dreaming and never stop believing....in YOU

Sweet Dreams,

-Coach Kim

[email protected]

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